


And they were right in front of you the whole time

by Ihavecoldhands



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Recreational Drug Use, acquaintances to friends, implied family problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihavecoldhands/pseuds/Ihavecoldhands
Summary: “…Okay, not a boyfriend, and not a relative…” Eskild says slowly, still looking very confused. “So… Even’s a childhood friend then?”Isak wants to say no, no, they are not childhood friends. But most friends don’t sleep in the same bed six days a week, so he swallows his words and nods reluctantly. “Yeah. We’re childhood friends.” It’s almost true except for the friend part.Isak and Even meet as children, but it takes them a while to become friends. It takes them a little longer to become more.





	And they were right in front of you the whole time

Isak doesn’t remember how he first met Even, but he imagines it probably wasn’t friendship at first sight. 

If he thinks hard enough he can somewhat remember Even in blurry bits, a mop of dark sandy hair and blue eyes, giving him occasional glances across the table as their parents chattered. 

His parents always expect him to get along with Even, because his dad and Even’s dad went to school together or something like that, but it’s hard to be get close to Even when Isak only sees him every 2 years. The fact that Even seems to grow half a meter each time Isak sees him doesn’t help.

If he had to give it a label, Isak would call them awkward acquaintances. Even’s someone Isak doesn’t know well enough to call a friend, but someone Isak knows of, like a distant second cousin who plays video games with him in awkward silence. 

Even is an awkward acquaintance until, one day, he isn’t. 

\--

It happens when Isak’s fourteen and he’s starting to have to a lot more chores around the house. 

Even’s parents come over, and the atmosphere feels a bit more grayer than usual, and Isak’s father murmurs him to that maybe he can show Even his bedroom instead of staying in the living room. 

So Isak walks to his room, Even padding quietly behind him, and if he’s walking a bit fast, Even’s kind enough to not comment about it. 

He’s also gracious enough to not say anything about the honestly horrendous state of Isak’s room, even when he has to shuffle through an ankle deep sea of old clothes. 

“You… you can sit here.” Isak murmurs, gesturing towards his desk chair before rifling his sheets for his laptop. “We… we can watch a movie or something, I guess.”

Even nods, and the following silence is too tense for Isak’s liking. He remembers his father mentioning Even had a girlfriend a few months ago. It’s the only topic that comes to his mind. “How… how’s your girlfriend doing?”

“We broke up.” Even murmured, and Isak wants to hit himself. 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Fuck, when did Even’s voice get so deep?

When Isak finally manages to wrestle his laptop out from under the sheets, Even is holding his battered school copy of Romeo and Juliet, which must have been sticking out from underneath his sea of dirty laundry. His eyes flicker to Isak, irises unusually bright. “You’ve watched the movie, right?” 

“Um… yeah? The… the one where they show Romeo’s butt?” Isak answers hesitantly, not understanding the sudden interest.

Even laughs at that, and his laugh is warm and kind and Isak has never ever heard him laugh like that before. Maybe it was because of his new voice.   
“No, no, no, not that one. Romeo plus Juliet. Directed by Baz Luhrmann?”

“Uh.” Isak’s drawing a blank. He doesn’t quite understand the difference between “and” and “plus”. 

“With Leonardo DiCaprio? Come on, you must have seen it.”

“…Maybe?” Isak offers in light of the appalled incredulity on Even’s face.

“You’re serious?” 

“I… I probably saw a gifset of it on tumblr?” 

“So you’ve saying you’ve never watched it?” Even demanded, looking more aghast by the second. Isak has to laugh. This is a very different Even from what Isak’s used to.

“Oh my god, you’re actually serious, aren’t you?” Even begins shaking his head in disbelief. “You… You’ve never seen it. I can’t believe it.” He suddenly plants himself in the middle of Isak’s bed, looking up at Isak and still shaking his head. “Where’s your laptop? We’re watching this now. Like right now. Sit down next to me.”

Isak laughs again and hands his laptop over obediently, settling next to Even. 

“I still can’t believe… you’ll be thanking me after this, you know. You’ll be thanking me for opening your poor, ignorant eyes.” 

Even pulls it up on his laptop and begins to passionately point out details about of things Isak doesn’t really know, like “angles” and “cinematography” (he didn’t realize Even was interested in media) but he doesn’t mind this Even. He really doesn’t mind this Even at all. 

To his surprise, Isak realizes he also doesn’t mind the film. He doesn’t understand half of the significance of the things Even points out, but something about the scenes tugs at him, and by the time it ends, his eyes are getting dangerously watery.

“Uh… jeez. Jeez.” Isak blinks rapidly, quickly looking away. “That… that was brutal. Fuck. Um.”

Even wordlessly hands him a tissue box Isak’s pretty sure did not come from his room.

He ignores the box and scrubs at his face furiously. “I… I don’t get it. The other movie wasn’t sad at all. The whole class was laughing at the end.”

Even chuckles at that, but his eyes are kind, not mocking, as he pats Isak’s shoulder gently. “That, my friend, is the power of directing.”

There’s a soft knock at the door, Even’s mother quietly whispering it’s time to leave, and wow, Isak’s pretty sure their evenings playing FIFA never went by that quickly.

He and Even push themselves off Isak’s bed, and Isak is half-expecting Even to turn back into the quiet tall boy Isak doesn’t really know, but Even turns to him and gives him a smile, not the tight, awkward half-smiles they usually exchange, but a full smile that causes the corners of his eyes to crinkle, and Isak has never realized just how sharp his primary incisors are. 

“I’ll see you later.” Even tells him, giving Isak’s shoulder a friendly squeeze before stepping out of his room, and Isak nods stupidly. 

He only realizes he had been grinning broadly when his cheeks begin to hurt. 

\--

Even sends him a friend request on Facebook four days later. Isak immediately accepts and starts clicking through Even’s pictures. He briefly wonders why Even seems to only have made his account a few months ago. 

Isak’s not expecting his new friendship with Even to continue, but it does. Even likes his photos on Facebook and sends him the occasional message. 

He likes it. It’s nice to talk to someone, it’s nice to know that someone besides Jonas wants to talk to him.

Even sends him a picture of two cats sitting next to each other, a strangely regal expression on their faces. 

Even: Jack I’m flying

Isak: Haha, where’s that from again?

Even’s instantly typing back. 

Even: Very funny Isak

Even: …Wait you ARE joking right

Even: ????

Even: Tell me you’re joking 

“I thought you didn’t have any friends besides me.” Jonas jokes when he hears the persistent pinging of Even’s messages. “Who’re you texting all the time?”

“Hmm?” Isak mumbles as he messages Even back. 

Isak: I’m kidding lol

Isak: I’m not that “uncultured”

Even sends him a sticker of a cartoon cat sighing in relief.

Even: Okay that’s good 

Isak: Although I may have just watched 1/4 of that movie

Even: WHAT

Isak: Haha

Even: ISAK

Isak: It’s a very long movie okay

Even: THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE

Isak: Well the commercial breaks on that channel were like 5 minutes long so I got bored 

Even: A young Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio are worth any amount of commercials Isak

Isak: No that’s just playing into the hands of capitalism 

Even: Jesus Christ. Well at least I know what movie we’ll be watching the next time I come over

Jonas waves a hand in front of his face. “Hey. Are you coming?” He has a girlfriend now because he’s cooler and more handsome than Isak, and she’s standing beside him, her winged eyeliner failing to hide the impatience in her eyes.

Isak doesn’t feel too jealous of Jonas, but seeing their linked hands stirs something unpleasant in his gut, so he tells Jonas that he needs to leave early, he needs to help his mother. 

It’s not a lie, still, Isak thinks as he boards the tram, it’s really the last thing he wants to do. 

He’s wondering just what he should do when he feels a light tap to his shoulder, and Even’s bright grin is suddenly flashing at him. “Hey.” 

Isak blinks, slightly startled. “Oh. Hey. What’re you doing here?”

Even sits next to him, his legs barely fitting into the seating area. “Was hanging out nearby. You going home now?”

Isak nods, and they sit in silence for several minutes, Isak desperately trying to rack his brain for conversation topics before it becomes too awkward to talk.

Even finishes out a pair of earphones, and ah, Isak thinks, this is it, he’s given up on any more conservation, but he offers one of them to Isak. “You wanna listen?”

“Okay.” 

Even starts scrolling through his phone. “I think you’ll like Nas. Let’s listen to Nas.”

“Naas…” Isak repeats, as he fits the earphone into his ear. 

Even grins at him triumphantly. “It’s good, right?” 

“Yeah.” Isak agrees, starting to bop his head to the music. He giggles when Even starts to dramatically mouth the lyrics, almost yanking the earphone out of Isak’s ear. 

By the fifth song, they’ve probably earned dirty looks from everyone in the tram car, but Isak doesn’t care, he’s having fun, and his stop gets called all too soon. 

“You could come over, you know.” Even suggests casually when Isak tries to return his earphone. “We could watch Titanic today instead of the next time our parents hang.”

He raises an eyebrow at Even, but he doesn’t get up from his seat. “You really want me to watch Titanic that badly?”

Even gives him a serious nod. “Yes, I do. Every minute you spend not having watched Titanic is like a stab to my chest.”

“You realize you’re actually putting your hand on your stomach.”

“The stomach can arguably be an even worse place to receive a stab wound, so you really should come over.”

Isak rolls his eyes but he can’t hide the grin creeping up his face. “Well, we did just pass my stop so… okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

He’s been to Even’s house dozens of times before, so it feels familiar to step in the doorway and shrug off his jacket.

It feels pretty unfamiliar to follow Even to his room. He can’t help feeling he’s trespassing into a different world, a different realm, and he’s tempted to restrict himself to a corner. But Even grins down at him from his bunk bed, so Isak swallows his shyness again and steps to the ladder.

3 hours later, he’s lying moodily on Even’s bed, his face buried in the blankets next to an empty popcorn bowl. 

“That was horrible. I hate you.” 

“I’m sorry.” Even says, smiling beside him and not sounding sorry at all. 

“Why are your favorite movies so fucking sad?” Isak moans.

“We’ll watch a happy movie next time.” Even promises, ruffling his hair playfully. “…We could watch a happy movie right now, actually?” He quirks his eyebrows at Isak.

Isak considers it. “…You… don’t have homework to do or something?” 

Even shrugs nonchalantly. “I can always do it later.” 

Later turns into another 2 hours and 34 minutes and some. Even’s parents are surprised but pleased to see Isak sitting in their kitchen. 

Even’s mother presses him to stay over after dinner because it’s getting late, Isak shouldn’t be walking home alone at this hour, she’ll let his parents know. 

But Isak knows at his own house, there are things that need to be qualmed, lines that need straightening, and messes even worse than the state of his own room, so he shakes his head. He doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t have any toiletries, he’s pretty sure he’s left his math book at home and he really needs to it for an assignment due tomorrow. 

He just manages to escape to the porch when Even catches him on the pavement. “I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t really-“

“It’s fine. Besides,” he produces Isak’s beanie out of nowhere, fitting it snuggly onto his head, “you forgot this.” 

Isak rolls his eyes but he gives in.

The walk back is quiet and uneventful, but it’s not as awkward as Isak thought it would be, and as he approaches his house, the tugging dread he felt earlier in the afternoon is now gone. 

He ends up going back to Even’s house after that, because Jonas is hanging out with his new girlfriend, and again, and again because Even says he can always do his homework later, and again because Isak doesn’t have anything better to do and Even claims likewise. Their friendship is still new and Isak’s worried about overstepping his boundaries.

But he’s become familiar with Even’s room, with the faded posters and the inked drawings lining the walls, with the soft grey blankets on Even’s bed.

He’s gotten used to seeing Even’s blue eyes and denim jackets and his wide smile with sharp teeth, and he likes it, he likes spending time with Even.

“Maybe he’s replacing you with his ex.” Jonas teases him over lunch. 

Isak rolls his eyes, picking at the crust on his sandwich. “Even went out with a girl.”

Jonas shrugs. “Doesn’t mean he’s straight. By the way,” he lowers his voice, “you know Sara, Ingrid’s friend?”

“Ah… yeah?” He has no idea, he can’t really tell Ingrid and her friends apart.

“Ingrid says she likes you.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, not even your personality’s that nice, so I’m surprised too.” 

“Hey!” Isak protests indignantly. “I have the nicest personality ever. There’s no one with a better personality than me.”

Jonas flicks a crumb at him. “Of course there isn’t.”

Later that evening, he and Even are playing FIFA together at Even’s house, like they’ve done before, but the clicks from their controllers are now accompanied by frequent laughter and Isak’s occasional swearing. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!!” Isak groans, throwing his head back in frustration. 

Even reaches over to ruffle his hair, laughing throatily. “You wanna play some more?”

He wants to say yes, he’ll keep playing until he kicks Even’s ass goddammit, but he checks the time on his phone. “Ah… well, it’s getting late.”

“It is.” Even agrees, leaning back. “You should stay over.”

Isak’s caught a bit off guard by that, he was expecting Even to nod and offer to walk him back, so he’s not sure what to say. 

Meanwhile, Even takes advantage of his silence. “I’m pretty sure we have a spare toothbrush somewhere, and you can just borrow some of my clothes. Plus, it’s a Friday. We don’t have to worry about homework just yet.” 

His look is earnest and almost hopeful, and Isak can’t really understand why, but he gives in. “Okay.”

Even smiles at him, the smile that reveals his sharp teeth and causes the corner of his eyes to crinkle. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Isak grins back and picks up his controller. “So let’s play another round. This time I’m definitely kicking your ass.”

Even raises his eyebrows challengingly. “All right, we’ll see about that.”

Later, when they’re lying side by side on Even’s bed, Isak’s expecting to spend several hours staring at the ceiling. But the sound of Even’s soft breathing near him is somehow soothing, and he falls asleep faster than he has in weeks. 

\--

It gets a lot harder to turn down Even’s offers of staying the night after that, and more than often, Isak finds himself at Even’s dinner table, discussing his science projects with Even’s mother and grudgingly accepting third helpings from Even’s father. He tries to not think about the state of his dinner table back home. 

He and Even are too tall to fit in Even’s bed comfortably (maybe only Even is too tall, Isak is still growing, he’ll get there one day damn it), but sleep comes so much easier to him in Even’s bed. It makes the nights spent alone in his own bed more difficult.

There are still times he can’t sleep though, even when he’s lying next to Even. 

Isak’s sitting up in the dark, blearily anticipating the sunrise, and he hears Even stir.

“You’re still awake?” He asks Isak, his voice deeper than usual, and Isak bites his lip guiltily. 

“Sorry. I didn’t meant to wake you.”

Even pushes himself up and somehow manages to stretch his arms without socking Isak in the face. “Don’t be sorry. I woke myself up.”

“…we should go back to sleep.” Isak mutters, trying to muster the energy to lie back down.

Even stares at him for several seconds before shaking his head. “Nah. We should watch the sunrise.”

Isak can’t help snorting. “That’s sounds too pretentious.”

“Don’t lie, I know you secretly want to see it too.” Even starts to climb down from his bed, glancing up at Isak. “Come down with me.”

“We’re going to regret this when we go to school in a few hours,” Isak warns, but he climbs down and lets Even lead him to the window, and they both sit on the window ledge.

“We can skip.” 

“It’s probably going to be overcast. We’re not going to even see the fucking sun.”

Even just chuckles. His hair is a bird’s nest and there are shadows under his eyes, yet he somehow still pulls it off. Maybe one day Isak will discover his secret.

“Seeing the sunrise usually makes me feel shitty.” He murmurs to Even as the sky first begins to lighten.

“How come?”

“I don’t know. I guess when I see it I just feel like I’m going to have more stress and more work and feel more tired because the day is starting.” Isak confesses, shifting on the window ledge to get more comfortable. His knee is brushing Even’s leg. He lets it stay there. 

“Do you feel shitty right now?” The sun is striking Even’s eyes now, but he still keeps his gaze on Isak.

“…No.” The lack of sleep and the morning light loosens his tongue, and he keeps talking. “You make the sunrise less shitty.”

Even’s smile grows until his eyes are crinkled. “That’s good. You make everything less shitty for me.”

\--

Isak hasn’t heard from Even in a week. He knows Even’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple years ago, his father had told him in hushed tones at the time, a day before they were going to visit Even’s house. 

Even’s never mentioned it once in their conversations, and Isak doesn’t blame him. Isak himself has never been able to tell Jonas more than a mumble about how his mother wasn’t feeling well, so he can’t imagine how it is for Even. He can’t imagine how it is for his own mother.

There’s an icy feeling of dread that stretches out to his fingertips when Even’s mother calls him. Sorry, she hasn’t meant to bother him, but she’s noticed how Isak’s been calling Even, she wants to let Isak know. Yes, yes, Even’s had an episode, yes, he’s safe, yes, he’ll be all right for now, but maybe Isak should give him a few days before he comes over, no, no, it’s all right for now, thank you Isak, it’s just something that happens, Isak, by the way, how is everything at home, is his mother all right, is he all right, is he taking care of himself, Isak knows he can call them anytime, right? 

He’s not sure what to do after he hangs up. He doesn’t want to just wait a few days. He wants to do something, but he’s not sure how he’ll be able to help Even when he can’t even help his mother. 

Isak stays in bed for a while, blankly looking at article after article, his English homework beside him forgotten. He thinks and thinks and thinks and finally he opens Facebook. He sends Even a link to a short video about people buying false memories because it reminds him of something Even once mentioned, and he types I miss you because that’s how he feels. 

He’s not sure if he should have done that, if it would even matter, but he can’t take it back now, so Isak closes the page and finally picks up the scattered pages of his homework. 

Isak keeps telling himself to not expect a reply that night, and the day before. 

But his phone lights up the next day. 

Even: Thanks.

The next text doesn’t come until a few days later. 

Even: Hey

Even: I’m sorry

Isak: Please don’t be sorry.

Isak: Are you okay?

It takes seventeen minutes for Even to respond.

Even: Not really. I’ll be okay soon though.

Isak: Can I come over?

20 minutes later, Even still hasn’t responded. He needs some more time, Isak supposes, and that’s okay, and he’s about to tell Even so when he hears a tapping sound at his window.

He’s not sure what he expects to see when he glances up, but it’s certainly not Even’s face plastered to the glass, staring straight at him. 

Isak almost screams but manages to catch himself in time, quietly cursing as he scrabbles to the window. “Shit, shit, shit.” He yanks it open, and suddenly Even’s laughing in his face. 

“Fuck you.” Isak tells him, but he’s grinning like an idiot as Even hoists himself inside. “Last time I checked, we had a front door.”

Even shrugs innocently. “What can I say, I am a very- SHIT!” He suddenly slips and Isak instinctively grabs him by the armpits before he can fall. “Fuck, fuck, oh my god, Even, you’re so fucking heavy.”

“Shit, shit, it’s okay, don’t freak out, everything’s okay- OUCH, OUCH-“

“Oh my fucking god, shit, shit-“

Thirty seconds of heavy profanity later, they’re lying in an exhausted heap on Isak’s bed, and once Isak’s sure there’s no sounds coming from his mother’s room, he turns to Even. 

“That’s the last time you come through the fucking window.” Even chuckles at that and Isak has to bite his lip from smiling. “I’m not joking, Even, your legs are way too fucking long.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Even sits up, tugging off his scarf, and Isak suddenly realizes how paler and thinner he seems, even with his multiple layers of clothes. 

He gets up on his knees and hugs Even. It’s very uncomfortable because they’re sitting and their knees bump into each other but Even hugs him back briefly.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” He mutters as he lets go, and Even looks at him, his eyes now serious. 

“I’m sorry. I know I probably scared you.”

Isak shakes his head. “It’s fine.” He bites his lip again. “You… you know I’m here, right? I mean… I… I don’t know how it is and I might not know the right thing to do or the right thing to say, and I’m not much, but… I’m here.”

“I know,” Even bites his lip, looking down to the floor, “I know, but… I just get scared of becoming a burden.”

“…Hey.” Isak says softly, tilting his head to catch Even’s gaze. “Hey. Please don’t ever believe that. Promise me you won’t believe that.” 

Even stares at him for a few seconds. Then finally, he smiles, his eyes still a bit dim. “Okay.”

Isak stares back at him. “Okay?”

“Yeah.”

\--

Isak’s fifteen now, and he’s following Even into his room, and it feels very familiar because now Isak is spending a lot of time at Even’s place, because every other day, Even will spontaneously ask him, over facebook or text or in person, and Isak will always say yes. Even’s particularly insistent for Isak to sleep over when the bags underneath Isak’s eyes are more visible.

They’ve just entered Even’s room when he suddenly stops in his tracks and turns to Isak, a bright gleam in his eyes. “Have you ever smoked weed?”

Isak’s caught off guard. “Huh? Um. No. Not really. Why?” 

Even starts digging around his room. “So… Don’t tell my parents but-“

“You’re smoking weed?” Isak interrupts, looking at Even suspiciously. 

“Maybe. Please don’t tell my parents. You wanna try?”

“I…I guess.” Isak crosses his arms, trying to not seem too nervous. “You sure it’s okay for you to be smoking weed?” 

Even knows what Isak’s talking about, and his expression darkens briefly before he shrugs. “Well, if I share it with you, I’ll technically be smoking less.” 

On his first try, Isak still coughs half of his lungs out even when he tries to follow Even’s directions, and Even ends up having to get him a glass of water in the middle of it. 

It takes him several minutes to stop coughing but he’s too stubborn and too embarrassed to back out now, and he takes the joint again despite Even’s mild concern. 

Isak ends up laughing way too much afterward, but Even laughs a lot with him too, and it’s great, it’s really fucking great. 

“Jonas is going to be so jealous of me.” He giggles, his throat threatening to trigger another coughing fit.

Even inhales deeply before passing the joint back to Isak. “How come?”

Isak raises his eyebrows. “Because… because my cool older friend let me smoke his weed.”

“You think I’m cool?” Even’s words are teasing, and ordinarily, Isak would roll his eyes and say something sarcastic, but maybe Even is cool, just a little bit cool. “You are. You’re very cool. You’re the coolest.” 

He’s expecting Even to tease him more, but Even’s face just erupts into the biggest smile, and Isak worries that he’ll impale his own lip with those sharp, sharp teeth. 

“Don’t tell Jonas about this.” He tells Isak. Even’s been slicking his hair back instead of letting it fall into his eyes, but there’s still one little curl that always falls back down. It’s hilarious. 

Isak pokes at the little curl and giggles again. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

\--

He wakes up in Even’s bed, sleepy and disoriented. The last thing he remembers is watching another movie. Isak turns his head and sees Even sitting on the window ledge, holding his guitar. 

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Isak rubs his eyes. “Sorry, how long was I asleep?”

“Not too long. You can sleep more.” Even whispers softly. 

Isak really shouldn’t sleep more, it’s a Sunday and if he sleeps any more, he’ll definitely end up a zombie during school. 

But the sounds of Even’s slow guitar are calming with the cool breeze coming in from the window, and Isak can feel himself slipping asleep despite the bright rays of sunlight. 

\--

He’s washing the dishes and his father is sitting at the table. The silence is tense but bearable. 

His father decides to break it. “Were you staying with Even the other day?”

Isak places another cup in the drying rack. “Yeah.” 

“Didn’t you stay at his place the other week too?” 

“Yeah.” Isak had been to Even’s house every day for the past week, but his father doesn’t have to know that. 

“You’ve always got along well, huh.” No, no, they only became close a year ago. 

When Isak doesn’t respond to him, his father glances at one of the plates in the drying rack. 

“That could have been washed better.” And Isak loses it. Because yes, maybe the plate could have been washed better, but maybe his father could have been getting his mother actual help instead of just insisting everything is fine and spending all of his time at work. His mother’s not fine, she’s really not fine, she sometimes has no idea who Isak is and his father is scolding him about a dirty plate. 

He wants to scream, he wants to shout and curse and cry, but he’s only able to swallow thickly and straighten up from the sink. 

“Isak?”

He thinks he mumbles something about getting some air before snatching his phone and speed-walking out of the door, not waiting for his father’s response.

His mind is numb and his heart is racing, and he doesn’t know what to do. It’s the first time he’s actually ever left his house in a fit of anger. 

He’s about to text Jonas, because he’s bothered Even enough this week, but then he remembers Jonas is supposed to be at his girlfriend’s.

Isak’s phone suddenly buzzes. 

Even: Hey, what are you up to? 

He thinks maybe he can just text Even back that he’s not doing anything, he’s fine, and then find a 24-hour café to hang around in until morning. But Isak’s already reached his limits.

Isak: I think I kinda ran away.

Even: What?

Even: What happened Isak?

Isak: It was stupid.

Isak: I just got mad at my dad and stormed out. 

Isak: Just like the typical angry teenager I guess. 

He tries to make the situation light, like he’s not ready to crumple apart, but Even’s not buying it. 

Even: Where are you right now?

Isak: Just a few blocks past my house. 

Even: Okay, stay there. I’m coming.

Isak’s stuck staring at his screen, trying to calm himself. He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be bothering Even again and again, especially at this hour, what would Even’s parents think-

“Isak??” Even’s suddenly there, a few feet from him, getting off of his bike. 

He tries to smile when Even approaches, but Even abruptly takes off one of his jackets, wrapping it around Isak. “It’s freezing. How’d you go outside with just a shirt on?”

“…Oh.” He hadn’t realized. 

“Here,” Even picks his bike up, “get on.” 

Isak stares blankly at Even’s back as the houses flash by them. He’s not expecting Even to say anything, but he does. “How bad is it? At home?” 

Isak opens his mouth to say it’s not that bad, then he remembers Even’s parents know everything. 

“How much do you know about my mom?”

There’s a long silence before Even responds. “I… I understand she has schizophrenia.”

“Yeah.” 

Even turns around to glance at him. “It’s not okay right now, is it?” 

Isak swallows heavily. It’s different with Even than it is with Jonas, because Even knows. He thinks maybe he can still tell Even that it’ll be okay, we’re just going through a bad time right now but it’ll be okay, it’ll get better. But he realizes he’ll sound just like his father and it's the last thing Isak wants to do right now. 

So he tells the truth. “It’s… it’s not.” He murmurs quietly into the back of Even’s hoodie, and fuck, he knows his voice is breaking. 

Even doesn’t say anything, and Isak thinks that maybe he’s dropped the matter until they arrive at Even’s house. 

He’s just gotten off of Even’s bike when Even pulls him into a hug. It’s the first hug he’s gotten in months and he immediately collapses into Even’s arms.

Even feels nice and warm and safe, and fuck, Isak’s pretty sure he’s crying now. 

“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs into Isak’s hair, “I’m so sorry. But you know you’re not alone, right?”

Isak just nods and grips the back of Even’s hoodie as tight as he can. 

“I’m here for you,” Even continues, “my parents are here for you too. They’re actually pretty worried about you. They want you to come here if things are getting that bad. I’m sure Jonas, he’s probably worried about you too, right? We’re all here for you.” 

“Yeah…” He manages to mutter against Even’s shoulder. “I know. I know.” 

\--

“The next time our parents get together with the rest of my relatives,” Even declares one day through a mouthful of sandwich, “we can just escape to my room and get high.”

Even is eighteen now, with a case of legally-bought beer next to him to prove it.

Isak swallows a gulp of Even’s beer before replying. “You don’t think they’ll smell the smoke?” 

“Not if we smoke by the window. It’ll be fine.”

“All right, I’m down for that. Anything to escape middle-aged adults questioning about how I’m liking school or my plans for the future.”

Even laughs at that. “Yeah, I’m definitely not telling my relatives about my plans.”

Isak perks up, because he and Even have never really discussed plans about the future. Maybe because they’re dealing with enough shit right now. “Can you tell me about your plans?”

“If you promise to not tell my relatives.” Even tells him in a mock-serious voice, but the corners of his eyes are crinkled. “I want to be a director someday.” 

Isak really should have seen that coming. “You’ll be an awesome director someday.”

“You think so?”

Isak thinks about the little pictures and stories Even posts on his wall and the short movies he makes and the way his eyes light up when he’s watching a film. “Of course I do. So I’m expecting a shoutout every time you have to give an award acceptance speech.”

“I’ll give you the best shoutout ever.“ Even promises, his eyes twinkling, and Isak grins despite the swirl of envy in his stomach. 

“It’s nice you at least know what you want to be though. I have no fucking clue what I want.”

“That’s okay, you’re a good student. You’re like a genius.”

Isak promptly snorts. “I am not a genius.”

“You are so a genius. You actually like learning stuff like biology and chemistry. You even helped me with my biology homework. That shit should have been way over your head.” Even slings an arm around Isak’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. No matter what you’ll be, Isak Valtersen, you’ll be great at it. Trust me.”

Even has crumbs at the corner of his mouth and his breath reeks of alcohol, and he’s one of the greatest things ever.

\--

Sara kisses him at a party, while Even is on a trip to Switzerland with his family. She smells nice and her lips are soft, and Jonas and his other friends whistle at him afterward, and Isak laughs bashfully and puts his arm around her shoulder, but he feels strangely empty. He doesn't know what he’s supposed to feel after his first kiss, happy, breathless, maybe a bit aroused? Definitely not this feeling of being drained. 

He breaks up with her two days after their first kiss. She’s furious and Jonas’ girlfriend is furious and Isak doesn’t care. 

He hasn’t told Even about Sara, not before, during, or after their two-day relationship. Isak’s not sure why, and he doesn’t feel impelled to worry about it until Even meets Jonas for the first time. 

Jonas and Even get along ridiculously well. They’re eagerly showing each other movie projects, and Even’s explaining different effects to Jonas. Isak’s actually content to watch them, for some reason, the sight of Even and Jonas laughing together puts him at ease. 

So he’s a bit puzzled and concerned when he returns from the bathroom to see Even staring at the desk blankly and Jonas looking a bit unsettled. 

They both seem to snap out of it when Isak sits back down, but Even remains quieter than usual for the rest of the evening.

They’re walking back to Isak’s house when Even speaks up. “So… Jonas was saying you got a girlfriend and got dumped within 2 days while I was in Switzerland?” His tone is playful but there’s an underlying edge Isak’s never heard before and he’s not looking at Isak as he speaks. 

“Yeah…” Isak says slowly. “I mean… I actually broke up with her but… yeah.”

Even doesn’t say anything in response, and Isak’s stomach plummets.

“Sorry. I should have told you.”

“Why are you apologizing? You’re not obligated to tell me everything in your life.” Even tells him, but his voice is becoming sharper. 

Isak glances him cautiously. “No, but you’re upset.” 

“No, it doesn’t bother me.” Even insists, loosely kicking at a rock in their path. “I mean, there’s stuff I don’t talk to you about.” 

It would be pretty easy for Isak to go along with Even’s façade but he really hates the tone of Even’s voice, and he hates himself more for being the cause of it. 

“Hey,” He says softly, hesitantly grabbing onto the corner of Even’s jacket. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

Even finally looks at him, biting his lip and shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just being stupid. I just… I was just surprised. I thought if something like that happened you’d tell me and when Jonas mentioned it, he thought I knew and… yeah.”

Isak lets go of his jacket. “I… I’m not sure why I didn’t tell you. I mean… our relationship lasted for 2 days. I had a feeling the whole time that we wouldn’t really work out and I wasn’t really happy about being with her. She’s not really a good person and even if she was, I actually… didn’t like her.” It’s true, now that he thinks about it. “I guess I didn’t want to tell you because I wasn’t proud of being in a relationship with her.”

They’re a block away from Isak’s house when Even abruptly turns course, steering Isak with him. “Even??”

“You should stay at mine,” Even tells him, and Isak knows then that he’s been forgiven. “I think it was good you broke up with her.” 

He frowns slightly. “Jonas thinks I shouldn’t have. He says I should have given her a chance.”

Even shakes his head. “No, I think you did the right thing.”

Later, when they’re lying side by side on Even’s bed as usual, Isak turns to face Even. “Hey.”

“Hmmm?” Even sounds sleepy, but he still blinks his eyes open to glance at Isak. 

Isak swallows. “I’ll tell you something. Something no one knows. Not even Jonas or my parents.” His heart is racing and he’s gripping the sheets tightly.

Even meets his gaze, his eyes suddenly alert. 

It takes Isak one second to decide he wants to tell Even, but it takes him a lot longer to decide how he wants to tell Even. The words keep getting stuck in his throat, but Even waits patiently.

“I don’t think I like girls.” He finally whispers, and he’s immediately terrified that Even didn’t hear it, and that he’d have to repeat it again. 

But a slow smile spreads across Even’s face until the corners of his eyes are crinkling and Isak can see his shark teeth. 

“Isak Valtersen,” Even murmurs, his eyes very watery and his voice hoarse, “You’re so amazing, do you know that? I’m so, so happy that you exist.”

Isak’s not sure how to respond, because Even Bech Naesheim, the boy who destroys galaxies when he’s sad and puts the sun to shame when he’s happy, is thanking Isak for existing. 

He wants to tell Even he’s so glad Even exists, that Even’s more amazing than him, but the words get stuck in his throat, so instead, he just smiles back at Even. “I guess- I guess I am pretty awesome, huh?”

Even laughs at that, and he squeezes Isak’s hand briefly. “You have no idea at all, Isak.”

\--

He’s sixteen and it’s getting so hard to not cry. He dials the number with shaky fingers. 

Even’s mother picks up on the second ring. “Isak?”

“Hi,” He exhales shakily, “Sorry. I know Even’s just had an episode, but-“

“Isak, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” 

“I… I think my dad just left my mom.”

The rest of the night passes by in a blur, and before Isak knows it, it’s morning, he’s sitting with Even’s mother at the counter, and she’s quietly explaining how Isak’s mother has just been admitted for inpatient treatment, and she’ll be all right for now, she’ll be getting help, and it’s best if Isak stays with them for a while. 

Isak doesn’t look up from the plate of eggs in front of him. “…She must hate me.”

“Isak??”

“As soon as Dad left I left her too. I didn’t even try to help her or anything. I’m the worst son ever.” Isak mutters, but before he even finishes his last sentence, Even’s mother is hugging him fiercely. 

She’s at least fifteen centimeters shorter than him but she somehow still manages to envelope him in her arms and Isak realizes she is very used to hugging taller people. 

She gently whispers to him about how it wasn’t his responsibility and he shouldn’t have been put in that position and how it wasn’t his fault and how his mother definitely does not hate him, his mother cannot ever hate him.

Isak slumps in her embrace and lets himself believe her words.

\--

Even doesn’t want to see him, so Isak doesn’t push it. He stays in the guest room and tries to do as much chores as he can despite the protests of Even’s parents. 

He comes over to Jonas’s place after a few days. Jonas gives him a hug and says Isak can stay at his place whenever he wants. He hugs Jonas back but lets go very quickly. 

Isak returns to Even’s house feeling slightly warmer and braver. When Even’s mother makes soup, he offers to bring some to Even’s room and she presses the warm bowl into his hands with a smile. 

No amount of Wikipedia and WedMD articles can prepare him for the sight of Even curled into a small ball in the sheets, too quiet and colorless, and something in his chest aches deeply.

He and Even stare at each other for a few seconds before Isak tentatively steps towards the ladder leading to Even’s bed. “Hey. Are you hungry?”

Even doesn’t answer. 

“…I’m going to come up, okay?”

Even doesn’t tell him yes, but he doesn’t tell him no, so Isak sets the soup down and climbs up. 

He lies next to Even. Even doesn’t tell him to leave. Isak watches him as he slowly falls asleep. 

Several hours later, Even’s eyes blink open and they stare wearily at Isak again. 

“Hey.” Isak touches his arm gently. 

“…How long have you been here?” His voice is weak and small and defeated.

Isak shrugs.

They lie in silence before Even speaks again, switching his gaze to the ceiling. “I’m sorry. I should have never gotten close to you.”

The sentence forms a tight ball in Isak’s stomach and he swallows heavily. “Why would you say that?”

“Because…” Even’s eyes flicker briefly to him before going back to the ceiling. “Because of everything. I… I wasn’t there for you that day. You needed someone and I wasn’t there for you. Fuck, I should be here for you right now, your dad just left your mom. Instead, you’re here having to look after me. Because my mind is fucked up.”

Isak doesn’t avert his gaze from Even. “…No. You’re wrong. About everything. I know you would have been there if you could have, but you couldn’t. And that’s okay. That’s just how life is. It’s not realistic to expect someone to always be able to drop everything for you. And… I don’t feel like I have to look after you.”

Even finally glances at him but he looks away again. “But… I wanted to be there for you.”

“But I’m okay right now. Your mom and your dad were there for me. And… it really sucks that my dad left, and I feel like shit for leaving my mom too. But she’s finally getting help now and I think maybe after a while, she’ll be okay too.” 

“…You’re not sad?” Even whispers and Isak shakes his head. 

“I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m here, chilling with you, and I’m very fucking happy you got close to me.”

Even manages a small smile, and it’s a bit broken and tinged with sadness, but it’s enough. 

Isak smiles back at him. Then his stomach gives a loud rumble.

“…you should eat.”

“Shut up, you should eat.”

“…we can both eat?”

“...okay.”

“Okay?”

Even nods slowly. “Yeah.”

\--

Isak sleeps in Even’s room every night after that. He still keeps the small amount of clothes he brought with him in the guest room, but he mostly ends up wearing Even’s shirts around the house. Even’s parents don’t make any comment about it. 

They’re lying in bed one night after stuffing their faces with pizza, watching an episode of Planet Earth. 

“One of my relatives bought me this for my birthday when I was eight.” Isak muttered. “I remembered watching it for hours and hours.”

Even chuckles as he adjusts his position. “Yeah, I remember that.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, when my parents and I came over once your dad tried to get you to watch something else with me, but you sat on the remote and flat out refused.”

“Really? I did that?”

“Yeah,” Even poked Isak’s cheek playfully, “Mom was really surprised you weren’t put off by all of the cute animal deaths.”

“Hey, this show makes you really sympathize with the predators, okay? I think I cried when the polar bear died.”

There’s a vibration across the bed while Even laughs, and he starts patting the blankets. “Where’s my phone?”

“Ah, wait, I think it’s by my leg.” Isak sits up and fishes it out of the sheets. He doesn’t mean to see the text from Sonja on the screen, but he does. “Your ex texts you?”

“Ah, Sonja?” Even takes his phone, unlocking it and glancing over the screen. “Yeah, I guess we’re still friends.”

Something is unsettling Isak, and he can’t put his finger on it. “Are you… do you think you’ll get back together?”

Even catches his eye, giving him a slightly incredulous look. “With Sonja? No, no, no way. We’re good as friends, but definitely not as lovers. I think she has a new guy anyway.”

“You really mean that?”

“Yeah.” Even locks his phone, setting it down. “There was a reason why we broke up, and I don’t plan on repeating that drama. Besides… I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to ever have a relationship with anyone.”

Isak frowns, shifting to face Even better. “How come?”

He shrugs, staring at a corner of the room. “I mean… with my mental illness and all. It’s probably not a good idea to not put anyone through that.”

Isak can feel his frown growing, and he reaches out to poke Even’s arm. “Hey. I don’t think you should think like that. You’re so much more than your mental illness.”

“Yeah, but…” Even doesn’t meet his gaze. “…I don’t think anyone would be willing to be in a relationship with me after they see me like… like how I was two weeks ago.”

“I-“ Isak speaks before he thinks. “I would be.” 

There’s a short silence after his words, both of them slightly stunned, but Isak recovers first, trying to choose his words carefully. “I mean, you’re obviously so much more than your mental illness. It’s a part of you, but it doesn’t define you completely. And I think… I think you deserve everything Even. You deserve everything that would make you happy,. So… so it’s fine if you don’t think you’d like a relationship right now, but you shouldn’t think you’re not cut out for a relationship just because your mental illness.”

He’s more than a little nervous when he finishes speaking, because Even is staring at him like Isak’s suddenly sprouted wings, like he’s seeing Isak for the very first time. But eventually he smiles. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” 

They finish watching the rest of Planet Earth in silence.

\--

Isak doesn’t know exactly where his father’s staying but he does know he doesn’t want to stay with his father, and he and his father yell at each other on the phone for a few minutes before he hangs up, turns his phone off, storms to Jonas’ place, and drinks way too much beer.

The next thing he knows, he’s under a pile of blankets on an unfamiliar couch with an mini earthquake pounding inside his brain. “What the fuck?”

“Good afternoon to you too, sunshine.” There’s a young man standing across him, wearing what looks like a silken bathroom and a beaming grin, and Isak is starting to realize he probably drank too much alcohol. 

“What-where- what the fuck just happened?” 

“From what I heard,” Bathrobe drawls, “you got too drunk too early in the day, and Jonas’ parents were coming home so you couldn’t stay at Jonas’, and Eva’s mom was home so you couldn’t stay at Eva’s, and your friends were going to take you back to Even’s place but they realized Even’s parents were probably home so Noora volunteered to take you here. You’ve only been asleep for… less than twenty minutes, actually.”

Isak’s head wasn’t allowing him to process much of that information. “You… you know Even?”

“No, but his name’s been showing up on your phone a lot for the last five minutes.”

Isak realizes his phone is lying next to his head and sits up to grab it, immediately regretting the action when his head spins. “Fuck.”

His phone’s screen is crowded with five missed calls and five frantic messages. The most recent text came one minute ago. 

Even: Jonas told me what happened, I’m coming to get you

“Fuck.”

A glass of water appears in his field of vision. “Is he coming over to get you?” 

“Yeah.” Isak mutters before he takes a few careful sips. “Sorry for all of the trouble… Um. Shit. Who are you?”

“Esklid. It’s Isak, right?”

“Yeah. So… are you Noora’s boyfriend?”

Esklid immediately gives a loud squawk of laughter that has Isak’s head pounding again. “No, no, no! I’m not going out with Noora.” He pulls a phone out and swipes a few times before showing the screen to Isak. “This is the person I’m going out with.”

“Oh.” Isak blinks, feeling like an idiot. “Oh. He’s… he’s handsome.”

“Thanks.” Esklid gets up and takes the now empty glass. “Anything else I can get you, Isak?”

He should have shaken his head but his mouth isn’t listening to his brain yet. “Not if you have a place to stay that costs 400 kroner or less?” Isak jokes. He waits for give Esklid a confused laugh but Esklid’s just staring at him with his mouth slightly hanging open.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Huh?”

“Are you serious about needing a place to stay?” Eslkid repeats, starting to smile. “Because I know you were probably joking just now but we actually do need a new flatmate soon.”

“…wait, seriously?” It’s taking a bit for Isak to process, and he’s about to ask more questions when there’s a knock on the door.

Esklid immediately starts walking towards the entrance. “Ah, that must be Even! I’ll let him in and I can message you the details later!”

Isak almost forgets Esklid when Even rampages in and practically carries Isak out of the flat, cursing softly underneath his breath as he clutches Isak close and Isak feels very, very guilty.

“…Sorry.” He offers feebly as Even pedals them back. 

“Just… Fuck, just don’t do that again, okay? I was about to call the fucking police before Jonas finally texted me back.”

“Sorry.”

Even spares a glance at him and shakes his head. “It’s okay. What happened though?”

“…My dad called earlier.” Isak mumbles into Even’s jacket. “He told me he was going to come get me because I was being a burden and a nuisance to you and your parents.”

Even abruptly pulls the bike to the side before dismounting it and pulling Isak off, hugging him fiercely again. They’re almost in the middle of the street and they’re probably getting strange looks from passerby and Isak could care less.

“Don’t you ever believe that.” Even whispers harshly into Isak’s hair. “Promise me you’ll never believe that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

\--

Esklid sends him the details a week later, and Isak’s about to message him back when Even texts him.

Even: Are you with Jonas right now?

Isak: Jonas is spending time with his girl.

Even: I thought they broke up.

Isak: They did, he’s going out with her former best friend now.

Even: Whaaaat. Wow. Such drama.

Isak: She’s a lot nicer than his first girl though. I like her. 

Even: Well, if you’re not with Jonas you should hang out with my friends and me. 

Isak’s grin fades a little. Even’s invited him to hang out with his own friends multiple times, but Isak always declines. He’s seen Even’s friends before, they seem like the coolest people in Bakka and he can’t help feeling a bit intimidated by them. 

His phone rings again.

Even: Pleeeeasse Isak

Even: They want to meet you

Isak: They’ll think I’m a loser

Even: They’ll think you’re awesome

Even: If they don’t then I’ll protect you I promise

Isak finds himself snorting out loud at that, but he feels a bit better. 

Isak: Fine, where are you?

Even: :D Yay!

Even: We’re gonna pregame at my friend’s place.

Even: I’ll send you his address.

Isak: Do your friends even know I’m coming?

Even: Yes, they know and they’re happy that you’re coming. When do you think you’ll be there?

Isak: I don’t know. Maybe 20 minutes?

Isak: Are you sure your friends are okay with me coming?

Even: Of course they are

Isak’s several blocks away from the address when his new found courage seeps away. He’s a first year nobody at a different school, what on earth is he doing? But he thinks about how disappointed Even would be if he flaked out now, so he tries to re-gather his bravery and rounds the corner. 

He immediately spots Even, wearing his jean jacket, laughing outside with several people. Even’s friends shoot him curious looks that have Isak sweating under his beanie, but Even’s face lights up. 

“Hey, you!” He stands up and pulls Isak into a brief hug. “Come over here.”

He smiles tentatively at Even’s friends as Even lets him go, but Even keeps an arm around Isak’s shoulders. “Guys, this is Isak.”

All of Even’s friends within distance come over and shake his hand, and Isak can feel himself slowly relaxing. Even steers him to sit down in a spare chair next to his. He doesn’t withdraw his arm from around Isak’s shoulders. 

Even’s friends are lot less intimidating up close, and Isak finds himself laughing and making jokes that make at least two other people beside Even laugh. 

“So, how’d you guys meet?” One of Even’s friends asks, and both Isak and Even turn to each other. 

“…Um, how did we meet, Even?”

“Uh… I guess we met when you were first born? You see, Isak’s mom and my mom went to the same high school –“

“Wait, our moms went to high school together? I thought our dads went to high school together?”

“What? No, no, it was our moms.” Even takes a sip from his beer and passes the bottle to Isak. “Anyway, I do remember going to your first birthday party.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I was so jealous of you because I thought it was supposed to be a party for me. So I might have stolen your balloon at one point.”

“What??” Isak jerks in mock indignation. “You stole my balloon?? Wow, Even. Wow.”

Everyone laughs and Even squeezes his shoulder apologetically. “Sorry, sorry. I’ll give another one someday.” 

He doesn’t move his arm around Isak for the rest of the night. Isak musters the courage to ask him about it when they’re walking back to Even’s house.

“Is this supposed to be you protecting me?” He asks, gesturing to the arm Even still had around his shoulders. 

“Hmm?” Even glances at him, still not letting go. “Yeah, I guess. Is it okay?”

“…Yeah.” Isak says truthfully, smiling. “It’s okay.”

\--

It’s not easy to leave Even’s house.

Even’s mother makes Isak promise to come for dinner at least once a week and Even’s father hugs Isak a little too tightly. Even’s mother promises to send Even with food every day. 

Even is worst. 

“I’m not going to mooch off of you and your parents for three years, Even.”

“Then your dad can pay my parents rent.” Even insists, and it’s remarkable how closely his imploring gaze resembles a kicked puppy. 

Isak sighs and zips up his backpack. “Don’t you have to go to your appointment soon?”

“I probably still have at least five minutes.” Even mutters, gazing at the floor. 

Isak finds himself sighing again before going to sit down next to him. “Hey, stop being so sad. It’ll just be like how it was before I left my house. Actually, it’ll be even better. I’ll still probably sleep over here half of the week, and now, you can stay over at my place for the other half. It’ll be fun. We won’t have to worry about things like your mom smelling your weed or getting caught staying up too late.” 

Even’s tone remains sulky. “It’s fun when you’re with me all the time. You can’t wait to move out until after my appointment? I’d be able to help you move in.”

No, Isak can’t wait, it’s hard enough to pack while Even is here, and it’ll be too hard to move out, and it’s really ridiculous, because he hasn’t been here at Even’s place for more than two weeks.

“I don’t have that much stuff. It’ll be fine.” Isak reaches over to squeeze Even’s hand briefly. “You have the address right? Stop by once you’re done with your appointment.”

He finally sees a brief smile flicker over Even’s face. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

\--

He thinks he’ll be okay at the kollektivet. His flatmates are all right, Linn is a bit quiet, Esklid is a bit loud, and there’s something all too knowing in Noora’s gaze, but he seems to gets along with them well enough. 

After Esklid leaves to work and Noora leaves to a study session and Linn leaves to her room, Isak finally gets to unpacking. He tries to unpack his bag slowly, but he finishes unpacking all too soon. He puts the sheets on his bed, sets a lamp on the table, pins some papers and posters to his wall. He even completes half of his homework. 

He finally has a place of his own and it’s pretty nice for what it is and Isak thinks he’ll like it and his flatmates. 

But there’s a persistent empty feeling at the bottom of his stomach the whole time, and it only disappears when he gets a text.

Hey, I’m outside. 

And despite the fact it’s only been a few hours, Isak is rushing to the door, the remainder of his homework forgotten. He nearly throws the door open and Even is there, smiling with crinkly eyes and sharp teeth. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Isak mumbles back, and he can’t help but feel a bit shy as Even looks at him. Even’s smile somehow grows impossibly wider, and Isak feels his cheeks beginning to hurt from grinning so broadly. 

Even still doesn’t say anything, but he steps closer and his smile is really putting the sun to shame right now and his eyes are suddenly taking up Isak’s entire field of vision-

And then there’s a loud banging noise and Even’s suddenly reeling back, clutching the top of his head and swearing more than Isak has ever heard him swear.

It takes Isak a good four seconds to realize just what happened, and he once he does, he bursts into laughter. “Oh my fucking god!! You just banged your head on the top of the fucking doorway!!” 

“Fucccckkkkk… why the fuck is that doorway so short??” 

Isak can’t stop laughing because he’s a terrible person, but he still guides a moaning Even inside and to the counter. “Oh, you poor thing! They say in our current society, height is an advantage that can correlate to your general success, but who knew your height could hurt you in such a way huh? This is retribution, you know! Retribution for all the times you’ve flaunted your height to shorter people than you!!” 

“No…” Even groans as Isak hands him a makeshift icepack. “I don’t ever make fun of people shorter than me… I’m a very nice tall person. I don’t deserve this.”

Isak giggles and rubs Even’s back soothingly. “Be honest, how often has this happened to you?”

“This never happens. I was distracted, okay?” Even removes the icepack and touches his forehead gingerly. “I was really happy to see you.”

Isak’s grin slowly fades as the words set in, and he decides to stop teasing Even. “…we… we should go to my room. We’re probably bothering Linn right now.”

“You know…” Even began, carefully stepping in Isak’s room after giving the doorway a wary glare, “I think I get the appeal of having your own place.”

“Yeah?” They both lie down on Isak’s new bed simultaneously, as if they’ve done it a hundred times before. 

“Yeah.” Even shifted his gaze to Isak. “When I move out of my parents’ house, we should get a place together.”

Isak frowns at him slightly. “You want to us to live together, really?”

“What? You don’t think it’s a good idea? It’s a great idea! It was good living together, right?”

“It was.” Isak relents, starting to grin again. 

Even smiles back and reaches over to ruffle his hair gently, his fingers cold from the icepack. “So… we’ll live together once I move out?”

There’s a lot of questions still floating in Isak’s head, where would they even live, what could they even afford, Even’s still a year ahead of him in school, so how would that work out? 

But Even’s eyes gazing at him hopefully, and as dangerous as it is, Isak can’t help but feel a little excited at the thought of he and Even living together.

“Okay.”

Even giggles and his fingers pause in Isak’s hair. “Okay?”

“Yeah.”

Even ends up staying the night, and they bicker over the shirt Isak’s currently wearing.

“That’s definitely my shirt, Isak.”

Isak shakes his head stubbornly. “No, it’s mine.”

“That shirt goes all the way to your thighs!” Even giggles, poking Isak’s side. 

Isak’s grin widens. “That’s because I stretched it out.”

“You’re such a bad liar, my god.”

He can't deny that, so he dives under the covers to escape. “I think you’re just confused because our hoodies are so similar.”

“Half of your clothes right now are probably mine, you thief.” 

“If I recall, it was you stole my very first birthday balloon, so I’m entitled to whatever I want.“

“Shut up!” Even starts to yank the covers off of him, but stops when his gaze lands on Isak’s new wall.

“These are the drawings I gave you.” Even says slowly, examining the collection of papers Isak had tacked on.

“Ah… yeah?” He tilts his head nervously. “That’s okay, right?”

“Of course it is.” Even flops back down on the bed, smiling. “I’ll draw a hundred more drawings for our new place.”

“A hundred more?”

“Yeah, I’ll cover a whole wall with them.” 

“That’d be pretty cool.”

“Wouldn’t it?”  
\--

The next afternoon, Isak is rudely awoken by a serious of hard raps at his door. “Isak??”

He manages to groan in response before shifting underneath the covers, accidentally kicking Even’s leg in the process. 

“Hey, Isak?? Can I come in?” Esklid opens the door before he finishes the question, Linn peeking in behind him. “So, we were wondering if…” His bright voice suddenly trails off when he sees Even’s ruffled head emerge from the other side of the bed. 

“Oh. Um.” 

Isak glances at them both blearily and then realizes Even hasn’t properly met any of his flatmates. “Oh. Um… Even, this is Esklid and, um, Linn behind him. Esklid, Linn, this is Even.”

“Esklid, Linn, hi.” Even manages to untangle an arm to shake Esklid’s hand and nods at Linn. He gives Isak a full view of his bare back as he leans forward, and Isak vaguely remembers him taking off his shirt last night, mumbling that it was hot. 

“Hi…” Esklid straightens himself and glances at Isak, then Even, then back at Isak. “So… we… we will be going now because… we have… because we have…”

“Yoga?” Linn offers quietly.

“Ah, yes!” Esklid agrees a bit too loudly, starting to retreat. “Yes, we-we have to do yoga right now. So we’re going, nice meeting you, Even.”

Isak’s not sure why Esklid is acting weird but he’s too tired to care. He’s already starting to fall asleep again before the door even closes.

\--

Isak bumps into Esklid in the kitchen the next week. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Esklid leans against the counter, eyeing Isak carefully. “So… did Even go back home?”

“Ah, yeah…” Isak pours himself a glass of water. “He was going to stay tonight too, but he left an assignment back at his house.”

“So he’s only stayed here six days this week.” Esklid remarks in a teasing tone, and Isak pauses. He hadn’t thought much of how his flatmates were with Even sleeping over.

“Is… is it okay with you guys if he keeps coming over?”

Esklid waves a hand dismissively. “Of course, of course. It’s totally fine. You guys are cute.”

He’s not sure how to respond, and Esklid takes his silence as a sign to continue and raises his eyes suggestively. “So, how long have you two been together?”

Isak chokes at the question and splutters water down his shirt. Once he’s finished coughing, he jerks around to look at Esklid incredulously. “What??” 

“Uh…” Esklid stares back at him in a mixture of concern and confusion. “…Sorry? Are… are you relatives?”

“Haah????? No, no, no!! No!” 

Esklid shrugs and offers Isak a paper towel. “…sorry. You just looked really horrified when I assumed you were together.”

He wants to demand Esklid why he even thought that in the first place, but then he remembers that morning when he and Even were seen sleeping in the same bed, Even shirtless and him tired, and Isak’s face flushes.

“It’s… it’s not like that.” Isak mutters, wiping his face. “We’ve known each other for ages. Our… our dads are friends. They went to high school and university together.”

“…Okay, not a boyfriend, and not a relative…” Eskild says slowly, still looking very confused. “So… Even’s a childhood friend then?” 

Isak wants to say no, no, they are not childhood friends. But most friends don’t sleep in the same bed six days a week, so he swallows his words and nods reluctantly. “Yeah. We’re childhood friends.” It’s almost true except for the friend part. 

Esklid nods as well, and there’s a small smile on his face Isak doesn’t quite understand. 

\--

Isak’s seventeen and he might be a bit in love and it’s terrifying and it’s stupid. 

It’s terrifying because it’s possible Even only sees him as a little kid, because it’s possible Even sees him as something more, and he knows for sure Even is important to him, Even has become so important to him over these past three years, and he’s terrified of anything that could threaten their current relationship.

It’s also stupid because there’s no point in trying to look or act nice in front of Even when he’s already too familiar with Isak’s usual bedhead and grumpiness, there’s no point in dressing nicely in front of Even since half of his wardrobe consists of Even’s stolen clothes. It’s stupid because he and Even sleep in the same bed regularly and Even always puts his arm around Isak’s shoulders, and it’s become familiar to Isak, but it still makes his heart race and his palms sweaty and keeps him up at night and it’s stupid.

It doesn’t help that he and Even are now frequently mistaken for a couple. 

Vilde is standing in front of them right now, going on about how important it is for them to establish social relations and other things and Isak really just wants to sleep. He’s contemplating how offended she’d be if he closed his eyes for just a little while when she suddenly meets his gaze.

“And Isak could bring his boyfriend to the meeting too!”

Isak is suddenly wide awake. “My what?” He demands as all his friends pointedly stare at the ground.

Vilde’s pearly white grin fades slightly. “Your… your boyfriend? The tall third year who goes to Bakka? What was his name… Even?”

Jonas makes a weird coughing sound and Isak wants to smack him. “…no, Vilde. Even and I are not going out.”

Vilde stares at him with the same confused look Esklid had. “…But… you and Even don’t have… have a thing or something? The whole school thinks he’s your boyfriend. You’re really just friends?”

Isak glares at his friends, silently requesting backup, but no one looks up from the floor. “Look, Even and I… we’re childhood friends, okay?”

It’s what he tells people now when they assume Even’s his boyfriend. To be fair, the boy he’s known forever because his parents know Isak’s parents but only got close with three years ago is a bit of a mouthful. It’s easier to just say Even’s his childhood friend. His own father believes it. 

Meanwhile, Vilde beams at him. “That’s wonderful!” 

“Yep.” 

Once Vilde leaves them to accost a group of first years across the cafeteria, Jonas nudges Isak’s shoulder, a betrayed expression on his face. “Childhood friends? I was your childhood friend.”

Isak raises his hands in defense. “I can’t have more than one childhood friend?”

“Well, no, but remember we saw him on the tram once and you didn’t even say hi to him?”

“Okay, first of all, I waved to him, and second of all, that was a really long time ago.”

Jonas seems ready to argue with him more, but Madhi speaks up first. “You know,” his tone sounds suspiciously casual, “Even’s a really good guy. He’s actually a great guy.”

“Yeah, if I was a girl or if I was gay,” Magnus adds through a mouthful of fries, “I would totally want to bang-”

There’s a dull thump under the table that suspiciously sounds like Madhi kicking Magnus’ shin.

“Ow! Did you just kick my-“

“We just want to let you know, Isak,” Jonas loudly cuts in, “if you and Even were dating- which you aren’t, of course- but if you were, you know we’d-we’d all be cool with that. We’d be very cool with that.”

“…you guys think I’m secretly dating Even.” Isak states, glaring at all of them incredulously. 

“No.” Jonas and Madhi say quickly. “Of course not.”

Magnus opens his mouth but there’s another dull thump under the table.

Isak grits his teeth. “Look, I am not secretly dating Even. Things between us have always been one hundred percent platonic, okay?”

“…okay.” Magnus says quietly, and Isak is way too tired to deal with this. 

“Guys, if anything that’s not one hundred percent platonic happens between us, you’ll be the first to know, okay??” 

Jonas and Madhi look slightly reassured at those words, and Isak thinks it’s the last time he’ll have to clarify his relationship with Even.

\--

“You’re sure you’ve never looked at him in that way?” Magnus asks no less than three days later. 

Isak has looked at Even that way. He notices the pale strip of his back that gets exposed when his shirt rides up, the length of his legs, the slenderness of his fingers, the warmth of his arm when it’s around Isak’s shoulders. “Magnus, I have never looked at Even in that way, okay? Ever.” 

“Does he ever look at you in that way, though?”

It’s a dangerous topic to think about, but Isak still thinks about it. He thinks about before, when he and Even would change in the same room, when he would wear a shirt and boxers around Even without a second thought. He thinks about now, when Isak’s shirt rides up or when he’s still in his boxers, Even suddenly becomes very quiet and looks in the other direction. “Of course he’s never looked at me in that way, Mags.”

“But you do at least think he’s attractive, right?” Magnus persists, and, god, Isak wants to him to shut up.

“I mean, yeah, I guess, objectively, he’s attractive but doesn’t mean I want to date him or anything, Jesus Christ.”

“He’s… he’s handsome and he’s really nice, though.” Jonas says carefully. “That’s more than you can say about practically all the boys at our school.”

Even is so much more than handsome and nice. “I am handsome and nice.”

“No.” All three of his friends say in unison. 

“Well, neither are any of you fuckers.” Isak really shouldn’t say it but he decides to ask anyway. ”Since Even’s so handsome and nice, why would he ever go out with me in the first place?”

“…He seems to like you?”

His heart rate increases but he still scoffs. “I should hope he likes me. We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“No, like, he like likes you, you know?”

“Oh my god, are you twelve?”

“But you do acknowledge that he’s nice and handsome?”

Isak turns back to face his friends and throws his hands in the air, nearly hitting a pole in the process. “Fine, fine, I do! He’s very handsome, and nice, and considerate, and smart, and talented! He’s more handsome and talented than all of the guys at Nissen put together! Are you happy now?”

His friends stare at him in a mixture of bemusement and wariness, and Isak’s about to ask why when he hears a very deep chuckle behind him, and Isak wants to disappear.

“Who’s very handsome and talented?” Even inquires near his ear, raising his eyebrows, and Isak wants to smack him and hug him at the same time. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” He mutters, not wanting to see the expression on his friends’ faces.

“Got out early.” Even replies nonchalantly, hooking an arm around Isak’s shoulders, and Isak knows that’s a lie. “Who were you guys talking about, though?”

“Um.” Isak says intelligently, and for once, his friends come to his rescue.

“Just… just some guy from Nissen.” Jonas offers, and they all murmur in agreement.

Even raises an eyebrow at Isak. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I-I don’t think you’ve met him.” Isak mumbles, avoiding Even’s gaze. 

“Really? What’s his name?”

“His name? Oh, his name is-“

“Julian.” Magnus says with surprising conviction.

“Julian?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Madhi agrees, “Julian. We were just bugging Isak about him since… since he seems to like Isak.” 

“Oh…” Even says, and for some reason, his grip tightens around Isak’s shoulder. 

\--

“So, what is Julian talented at?” Even asks him the next day, when they’re playing FIFA at Even’s house.

Isak doesn’t turn his gaze from the screen. He’s been winning more than usual but he’s not complaining. “Who?” 

“Julian?”

“Who’s Julian?”

“…The guy who’s very nice and handsome and smart and talented?” 

“…who?”

“The guys were saying that he seemed to like you?” Fuck, now Isak remembers.

“Oh, ah, yeah. That guy. Ah, I don’t really know. I just said that to get the guys to shut up, you know?”

“So… so you don’t think Julian is talented?” 

“I don’t even know Julian.”

“So… you’re not interested in him?”

Isak finally spares Even a glance. “No? Why are you asking me so many questions? Are you interested in Julian?”

Even shrugs. “I’m just curious.” 

\--

“Just get Even to buy the beer for you! He’ll do anything for you.” Jonas yells at him before all three of his friends dissolve into idiotic giggles, and Isak flips them off as he heads towards the tram. 

“Esklid will buy it for me!” He shouts at them, walking backwards and consequently stumbling into someone behind him. He’s about to turn around and apologize when he sees Even smiling down at him, and Isak’s tempted to stick his tongue out. 

“Esklid’ll buy what for you?”

“I owe Jonas beer apparently. From ‘that one party that one time’.”

Even gives both of Isak’s shoulders a quick squeeze and steps away. “Okay, I’ll buy it for you then.”

“I can just ask Esklid.” Isak protests as they walk onto the tram.

Even swivels back to face him, his gaze playful. “That’s my job though. I’m your cool older friend who always hooks you up with weed and beer.”

Isak laughs and shakes his head. “You’re my dorky older friend I keep around just for weed and beer.”

“No, that’s not true.” Even leans closer to Isak, his eyes sparkling deviously. “I’ll have you know I’m very cool. I’m the coolest, in the words of Isak Valtersen.” 

“Oh my god, Even. I was high for the first time when I said that, that doesn’t count.”

“It counts.”

“No.”

“It does.” Even insists, and the small curl that always sticks out from his hair bobs up and down.

“Okay, maybe it does.” Isak finally relents, and it’s worth the proud smile on Even’s face. 

“When are you going to meet the guys for the pregame?” Even asks as they exit the tram. 

“Ah, I don’t know. Jonas is supposed to text me.” Isak checks his phone and he catches Even looking at him out of the corner of his eyes.

“…Is Julian going to be at the party later?” 

He jerks his gaze back to Even, confused. “I… I don’t know? Maybe? Why are you asking about him again?”

“Huh.” Even hums as he leaves Isak to head towards the nearest convenience store. He nearly reaches the entrance before suddenly swiveling around and walking back.

“Even??”

“I think I left my ID at home.” Even states calmly, his hands in his pockets, seeming unruffled by Isak’s suspicious gaze.

“…you left your ID at home? Really?”

“Yeah, I did. We should go back to my place together to look for it.”

“So if I check your wallet right now, it really won’t be there?”

Even swings his arm around Isak. “Of course it won’t be there. Don’t you trust me?”

Isak sighs and rolls his eyes again, but he can’t hide his smile. “Even, you know you could have just asked me to come over. You know I would have said yes.”

He’s rewarded with another toothy, crinkly-eyed smile. 

“Would… would you still say yes if I asked you to stay at my house and pregame with my friends instead?” Even says quietly, and fuck, there’s no way Isak can turn him down when he’s smiling hopefully at him like that. 

“...well…okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I guess I’ll owe Jonas beer next time.”

\--

Isak didn’t know Sonja was coming to Even’s place. It’s his excuse. He tells himself that if he knew she was coming, he wouldn’t feel so strange seeing her hug Even and plant a kiss on his cheek. 

Sonja spots him as she’s letting go of Even. “Isak! It’s been forever.”

He plasters on a smile as he embraces her lightly. “Sonja, how are you?”

Isak has no real excuse. He likes Sonja well enough. She’s sweet and nice without any tight, plastic smiles, and Isak doesn’t like girls, but when he sees Sonja laugh he thinks he can understand why Even went out with her.

In another universe, she and Even are still together. Isak tries to not think too much about that universe.

\--

Jonas: Dude did you and Even hook up last night?

Jonas: Because there’s no way you guys spent 14 hours looking for his fucking ID

Jonas: If you guys hooked up, I totally forgive you for forgetting the beer and for ditching us

Isak: Nothing happened between me and Even

Jonas: Are you serious

Isak: But I think I was kinda jealous of his ex

Isak: She came last night and when they hugged I felt like I was gonna hurl

Isak: It’s stupid because they broke up 3 years ago and he told me he would never get back with her 

Isak: But I felt so ugly when I saw them 

Jonas: Oh, shit

Jonas: I’m sorry

Jonas: But I don’t think he’s ever going to get back with her

Isak: Why?

Jonas: You really didn’t see the expression on his face when we mentioned Julian

\--

He and Even just had a pillow fight on Isak’s bed and their sides are sore from laughing and they’ve gotten dangerously close to splitting Isak’s bed in two, but it’s hard for Isak to care right now with Even’s giggling next to him.

“You’re so weird!” He yells over Even’s laughter. Even just laughs harder. 

“I am, but you still think I’m cool. You think I’m the coolest.” Even stares at Isak challengingly as he speaks, his mouth lifted in a grin, and Isak should really hit him with another pillow but instead he laughs too and he reaches over and hugs Even briefly. 

“What was that for?” Even asks him curiously when Isak lets go. He’s still smiling, and his arm is now around Isak’s shoulders.

It was because they only seem to hug each other when they’re sad and Even was putting the sun to shame just now and Isak feels their hugging shouldn’t be limited to only sad occasions. “I don’t know. Was it okay?”

“Yeah, of course it’s okay.” Even tells him, and then he’s looking at Isak strangely again, as if he’s never seen Isak before, and Isak’s insides are once more on fire as Even opens his mouth to speak. 

And then Isak’s phone starts ringing. 

Even glances at his phone and then back to Isak. “…You should answer that.”

“It can wait.” Isak says, but Even’s already getting off of his bed. He picks up his phone and checks the screen. His insides immediately go cold. 

Isak quickly puts his phone on his nightstand and across the room, Even shoots him a concerned look. “…your dad?”

“…Yeah.” He mumbles, feeling a bit relieved when his phone finally stops ringing. 

Even sits back down on the bed, and he feels Even’s arm around his shoulders again. “You want to talk about it?”

Isak shrugs before picking up his phone, wincing as it lights up with another text from his father. “He’s been wanting me to meet him and my mom for lunch sometime and I’ve just been blowing him off.” He starts spinning his phone between his fingers. “I… I should probably go.”

“I think it’s okay if you don’t go.” Even tells him quietly, leaning his head against Isak’s. “I don’t think you need to see them until you feel ready to see them. Your dad should understand.”

“Yeah…” Isak murmurs, relaxing himself again Even. “I guess… I guess I’m still a little angry. And maybe I’m a bit scared.”

Even’s hand tightens on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

They’re silent for a few minutes until Even speaks up again. “I… I could go with you if you wanted me to.”

“Huh?”

“Um.” Even says, and he quickly straightens up. “I-I mean… as like… like moral support? I mean…it’d be pretty weird for just me to be there so my parents and I could also come so it wouldn’t be so bad? But I don’t want to intrude on you and your family and maybe us being there would just make things worse-“

“I’d like that.” Isak cuts in, and Even stares at him blankly, his mouth hanging open, and it really should be an unflattering look on him, but it isn’t. 

“…Your dad wouldn’t find it weird?”’

Isak’s already texting his father back. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks.”

“…You wouldn’t find it weird?” Even persists, and Isak looks up from his phone. “No? I’d want you to come. Do you want to come?”

Even’s grip tightens around his shoulders. “Of course I want to come.” He tells Isak softly, sincerely, and Isak is almost frightened at just how much he wants to cup Even’s face between his hands. 

 

\--

Dad: Why do you want Even to come?

Dad: Are the two of you dating?

Dad: If you’re dating him that’s very nice, Isak. He and his parents are welcome to come along.

\--

“It doesn’t matter.” Sana tells him one day, after they’ve finished their homework. “Whether a relationship is platonic or romantic shouldn’t be determined by how much time you spend together or what you do together, it should be determined by how you feel about it.” 

“...But what if I feel like I like Even?” Isak mutters quietly. It’s the first time he’s allowed himself to voice the thought and he’s not sure why he decides to tell Sana of all people, but it might be the right choice because her face softens slightly.

“…about question five. We can leave it as D.”

“Huh?” Isak asks blankly as Sana starts to erase her answer. 

“Question five. The answer is still definitely A, not D, but I’ll mark my answer as D.”

"Seriously?" They had spent at least ten minutes arguing about it before finally agreeing to disagree.

“It’ll teach you to listen to me in the future when we get this question wrong.” Sana states loftily, not meeting his gaze.

Isak makes a note to not gloat when they get the question right.

\--

He never thinks twice about texting Even. Whether it’s about his mother or the weather or a meme, it’s always been easy for Isak to send something to him. 

Or maybe it hasn’t always been easy. There was a time, when he was fourteen and he and Even had barely been Facebook friends for a week, and Isak would notice the green button by Even’s icon but only stealthily click through his pictures.

But he’s not fourteen anymore, and their current Facebook conservation would take hours and hours to scroll through, and yet, right now, Isak must have typed at least twenty different messages, only to delete them all.

He’s in the middle of deleting the twenty first message when there’s a quiet knock at his door. 

“Isak? Linn and I are going to watch a movie. Want to join us?” Esklid calls through the wood, and Isak realizes Esklid has never opened the door without asking since that one afternoon.

He gets and opens the door, revealing Esklid frozen in place. “Oh. Are you coming?”

“Ah… yeah. Yeah. I’ll come.” Isak murmurs, running a hand through his hair.

Esklid keeps staring at him as he slumps against the wall. “…Everything okay? Usually you’d be too sleepy or too grumpy or with Even.”

Isak opens his mouth to say yes, everything is okay. Then he closes it and opens it again. “Esklid …Can… can I run a hypothetical situation by you real quick?”

“Uh, sure?” Esklid raises his eyebrows. “You need advice from me?”

Isak rolls his eyes without thinking. “Yeah, hypothetically.”

There’s a grin slowly spreading across Esklid’s face, and Isak’s briefly worried he’s going to tease Isak and make Isak say stupid shit, but he just leans against the door. “Okay. I’ll do my best. Hypothetically.”

Isak breathes a small sigh before beginning. “Right. So… hypothetically… I have this friend? We’re really close and we’ve been for each other during both really bad and good times, and so he’s important to me. And… and we sometimes do stuff that other people find weird, like sleep in the same bed and hug too often, but I never found it weird? But for a while, I’ve been getting this weird feeling I might- might like him in a romantic way. But it’s been really scary so I’ve been denying it, but lately, he… he might seem to like me in the way too. So… so what should I do?”

Esklid is silent for a few seconds. “Why are you scared of liking Ev-, I mean, why are you scared of liking your friend?” 

Isak shrugs. “Because… because it’s risky, I guess? Because… because there’s a chance he might not like me that way? Because I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship if it doesn’t work out? Since… since he’s really important to me.”

“…That’s true,” Esklid acknowledges, “but… but let yourself think about being with him. Come on, don’t give me that look, just let yourself think about it.”

He lets himself think about it. He thinks about how it would be kiss Even, how it would be to hold Even’s hand, how it would be to sleep in Even’s arms.

“Are you thinking about it?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“It’d be… it’d be pretty fucking awesome.” Isak admits, and Esklid smiles. 

“Then maybe that risk is worth it.”

Isak gives a small nod that most definitely does not suffice a proper thank you, but he makes a note to buy Esklid something later. Something cheap.

“If you also wanted my honest opinion on Even’s feelings towards you, by the way, that boy looks at you like you hung the fucking stars.”

He makes a revised note to buy Esklid something slightly better than cheap later.   
\--

Isak promises to host the pregame at his house the next week, and he slightly regrets it when Even’s already has plans to pregame with his high school friends on Friday, but he’s disappointed his own friends enough over these past two weeks, and it won’t kill him or Even to spend more than one day apart, even if it does make Isak’s chest ache a bit. 

“So… where is Even?” Jonas asks him over Madhi and Magnus’ bickering. 

“With his friends from Bakka.” Isak tries to keep his tone casual when he sees Madhi and Jonas exchange glances.

“Maybe you should make him come here.” Magnus suggests, setting his beer down. “Make him ditch his friends for once.”

“What- no, I can’t do that!” Isak squawks as the others laugh.

“I mean… to be fair, he probably already does ditch his friends when he comes to see Isak every day.”

“He’s just cutting school-“

“You know he’s cutting school for you-“

“No, he’s just skipping school for the sake of skipping-“ Isak remembers the look on Even’s face the other day and stops mid-sentence. “Fine, all right, I’ll bite. Why do you guys think Even likes me?”

“…Fuck, where do we start?” Madhi mutters before taking a gulp of beer.

“Julian.” Magnus says stoutly, and the table erupts into chaos.

“Yeah, Julian!”

“Fucking Julian!”

“Poor Julian…” Jonas sighs dramatically. 

Isak stares at them, unamused. “What about fucking Julian?”

“Dude, Even became so worried when we told him you were complimenting Julian!”

“Yeah, like his eyes got all narrow and his jaw got all clenched and he kept looking at Isak and biting his lip, I felt kinda bad for the guy.”

“If that wasn’t jealousy, I don’t know what is.” 

Isak tries to shrug half-heartedly. “He… he could have just been jealous because me going out with someone else would mean less time with me as a friend. Or jealous of the fact I might get into a relationship while he’s still single.”

Jonas shakes his head. “No, friends don’t get jealous like that. Didn’t he pepper you with questions about Julian afterward?”

“Yes, but-“

“Like I said before, if that wasn’t jealousy, I don’t know what is-“

“Okay, okay,” Jonas cuts in, holding up his hands for silence, “dropping the topic of Julian, if you did ask him, Even would come straight here. I’d bet actual money on it.”

Isak opens his mouth to deny it, but Jonas quickly continues. “Just try it. He would do it.”

“I-I’m not playing games with Even, you guys.”

“But you want him to come here. Just text him.” Madhi points out, and Isak can’t really argue with that, so he settles for glaring sullenly at his phone. 

“Fine.” He sends a quick hey to Even before quickly locking it and setting it back on the table. “Just you watch, he’s not going to respond to me because he’s having fun with his friends-“

He’s interrupted by two loud pinging sounds. 

Even: Hey

Even: What’re you doing right now? Are you still pregaming with the boys?

Isak’s heart is racing and he’s not prepared for this because texting with Even used to calm him down in the past, not the opposite. “…Shit. I can’t do this.”

“What did he say??” All four of their heads suddenly crowd around the screen, and Isak’s strongly tempted to drop his face into his hands.

“Okay, you can do this, just-just act chill and respond back!” 

“I am chill! I am very chill right now!” Isak yells as he starts to text back. 

Isak: Yeah. Would be more fun if you were here though.

“Wait, you’re sending that?? Don’t send that! That’s so tacky!!”

“Too late, already sent.” He’s about to put his phone down when it vibrates again. 

Even: Aw, do you miss me?

“Oh shit, oh shit, he’s onto you. Don’t tell him yes, tell him something like ‘maybe’-“

“Yeah, it’ll show you’re interested but still gives you control of the situation.”

“Oh my god stop talking like that Mags, you sound like a fucking dating magazine-“

“But I’m agreeing with you-“

Isak ignores all of them. 

Isak: Yeah, I miss you.

“Isak!!”

“Wait,” Jonas speaks up, unaware of how loud his voice is becoming, “no, calm down guys, this might actually be good. I think he’s probably going to call Isak.”

“He’s not going to call me.” Isak mutters, but they all stare at the screen. 

A good thirty seconds pass, and the screen remains blank. 

“Stop-stop looking at the phone!” Isak hisses defensively.

“…try checking the screen, maybe there’s a bubble.”

Isak unlocks his phone and his stomach churns when he sees the small bubble blinking. Then it disappears. Then it reappears. Then disappears. Then reappears again-

Magnus grips Isak’s arm tightly. “Fuck, fuck fuck, oh my god-“ and Isak’s about to turn the damn thing off when there’s a knock at the door.

“…Who’s that, Esklid?” Magnus questions as Isak shakes himself loose and gets up from the table. 

“Probably. He forgets his keys like, every other day-“ Isak looks through window and freezes. “Oh, shit.”

“What’s up?”

“Oh, shit.”

“What’s wrong??”

“It’s Even.” Isak says slowly as he turns to face his friends.

“Seriously??”

“Hah!”

Isak runs a hand over his face before starting to walk towards the door. “All right, all right, I’m going to let him in and you guys are going to at least try to act chill-“

“Wait, no, no, no, no, don’t let Even in yet!” Magnus exclaims, standing up. “We need to leave first!”

“What?”

Jonas soon follows suit, grabbing beer cans and his jacket. “He’s right! We gotta fucking go!”

“Why the hell would you guys go?? Even’s expecting to see you here!” 

“No, we have to leave you and Even alone!” Madhi’s gotten up as well and is patting his pockets frantically. “Where’s my phone?? Do you have my phone?”

“Wha-why would I have your phone?? Stop-stop acting stupid! Do you know how weird it’s going to be when Even comes in and I’m just here??” Isak is ignored as his friends continue to scramble frantically around his living room. “Where are you guys even going to go??”

“It’s okay, we have a party to go to, we’ll have the pregame outside! Quickly, Isak, get our shoes! They’re by the front door!!”

“What are you talking about, it’s freezing outside-“

“Shoes, Isak, shoes!!”

Isak gives up and grabs their shoes, dropping them haphazardly in near the back door. 

“Come on, come on, we gotta leave!”

“Isak, don’t mess this up, buddy!”

“Remember to be safe!”

“We’re such fucking great friends!” Madhi yells before slamming the door shut behind him, and Isak’s suddenly left alone in the kollekivet, slightly stunned and staring at the door. 

He hears another knock at the door, and he remembers that Even has been waiting outside the whole time. 

And when he opens the door, Even is still standing there, crinkled blue eyes twinkling and sharp teeth exposed. Isak wants to kiss him. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” Even steps inside, instinctively ducking under the doorway, not taking his eyes off of Isak. 

“Um… you want to sit down?” Isak suggests feebly, gesturing towards the now abandoned table. 

“Sure.” They sit down, and it’s only then Even decides to ask. “What happened to the guys? I thought they were with you.”

Isak’s very sure if he was given at least one minute to think of something, he could have come up with a convincing lie. “Um… the guys just… they just left, I guess?”

“How come?” Even questions. “They ditched you?”

“Ah, yeah.” Isak fiddles with his empty beer can, trying desperately to think of something that would make his lie just a bit more believable, but Even just wraps his arm around Isak’s shoulders and grins. “It’s good I came, then.”

“Ah, yeah.” Isak says again, because he’s an idiot. “You… you really just left your friends just now?”

Even gives a little shrug. “Well, of course? You said you missed me.” 

“I mean, I did.” He admits, hoping any flush on his face can be attributed to alcohol. “I-I’m just surprised you left your friends and came here, I guess.”

“Why are you surprised?” Even asks him, his brow furrowed. “You shouldn’t be.”

“I shouldn’t be?” 

“No.” Even’s face seems a lot closer and Isak realizes he’s almost leaning his head against Isak’s. “You know you’re important to me.”

His words form a warm pit in Isak’s stomach, and he’s not sure how to respond, so he settles for smiling. And maybe he moves closer to Even, just a bit so that their foreheads are now almost touching, and maybe he even touches Even’s cheek lightly. 

And then the door suddenly swings open, and Noora and Eva are stumbling inside, both giggling loudly, and he and Even let go of each other very quickly. 

Noora and Eva immediately freeze at the sight of them, and Noora starts rambling about how Eva hadn’t been feeling well and she just thought it would be better if she brought Eva home and Eva is nodding frantically and apologizing every three seconds, and Isak could care less about that because Even’s avoiding his gaze and letting go of his shoulder. 

“I… I should go back to my place.” He murmurs after Noora and Eva have retreated to Noora’s room, and part of Isak breaks at that, because Even usually has to pull himself away from the kollektivet. 

“You… you can’t stay?” Isak asks, trying to not sound too pathetic. 

“Mom might forget what I look like if I don’t come home once in a while.” Even jokes, but his smile is stiff. 

And Even’s already standing up and Isak is very alarmed because he feels like he shouldn’t let Even go home right now, not when they’re so fucking close. So he tries to be honest.

“I want you to stay.” As soon as he forces the words out, for the very first time Isak is terrified Even will actually turn him down, that he’ll not want to spend the night with Isak. 

But Even suddenly relaxes at the words, his shoulders slump and his eyes are soft and his smile is warm, and he’s nodding before reaching over to squeeze Isak’s hand.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Isak squeaks, because his entire body is trembling now. 

“Yeah.” Even says, not breaking their eye contact, tightening his grip on Isak’s hand. 

They go to Isak’s room and they lie in Isak’s bed, and Even is still holding Isak’s hand, and Isak wants to scream and cry and explode because oh god, they’ve done it now, if there was a line, they’ve crossed it, if there was a wall, they’ve destroyed it, if there was a rule, they’ve broken it, they’ve really done it now.

\--

When Isak wakes up, he’s alone, but the other side of the bed is warm, and there’s a piece of paper lying near his lamp. It has 2 boxes, the first showing an angry toddler holding a balloon while a baby cries, the second showing the baby holding the balloon while the toddler smiles, with the caption “At the same time in a different universe”.

The kitchen is strangely quiet when he steps in, but Even is there, leaning against the stable, a single green balloon floating next to him, and Isak’s heart swells at the sight, and yes, he is most definitely in love with this boy, this silly boy who bangs the top of his head on doorways and pretends to forget his ID at home. 

“Good morning.” Even says quietly, his eyes crinkled as he offers the balloon to Isak.

“Hi.” Isak takes the string. “So it was a green balloon, then? I thought it would have been blue.”

“It might have been blue.” Even admits, fiddling with his phone. “But there were only green balloons so I had to give up accuracy for the sake of punctuality.”

Isak walks closer. “Why are you on your phone?” 

“I’m trying to find a song, hang on.” Even holds the phone above his head, far out of Isak’s sight. 

“What song-” Isak cuts himself off just as he hears the beginning notes of Kissing You. “...oh my god, Even.” He tries to give him the most exasperated look, torn between fondness and mortification. 

“This is supposed to be romantic and make you want to dance with me.”

“Oh my god.” Isak mutters, burying his face into his hands while Even laughs nervously.

“Want to dance with me?”

“Oh my god.” He groans again through his hands, but he lets Even pry his hands away from his face and tug him forward, and then they’re going around in slow circles together.

Even has gotten Isak to dance with him before, but it was always with crowds of bodies and flashing lights and lashing limbs and alcohol and laughter. It’s never slow and intimate like this, not with Even staring intensely at him while clasping Isak’s hand, and Isak’s stomach is definitely on fire right now. 

“In another universe,” Even begins, placing his hand gingerly on Isak’s waist, “where Noora and Eva didn’t come in last night, I would have gotten you to dance with me like this.”

He swallows before speaking again. “In that same universe, I would make this really eloquent and touching speech about how you went from a stranger to one of the most important people in my life, how you still stayed with me through all the good and all the bad, and how I thought I couldn’t have a better friend.”

Isak smiles softly, gripping Even’s hand a bit tighter. “Then, in that universe, after you made that speech, I would have asked you what I am to you now.” 

Even takes a deep breath, his eyes briefly darting to the ground. “I… I would have made another speech, about how you’re still one of the most important people in my life, but… but ever since that day, when you told me that I deserved everything that made me happy, I looked at you, and I realized…In that moment, I really wanted to ask if that meant I deserved you. And though I already knew you were amazing, I just started to… you know…” His voice trails off when Isak brings their foreheads together.

“I know.” Isak tells him confidently, happily, and Even’s hold on Isak’s waist tightens. “What would you have done after your two very eloquent, very touching speeches?”

“What would you have done?” Even whispers quietly, his eyes crinkled, and Isak thinks about Even, about what he went through, about what he’s going through, about how Even came running back to the kollektivet at one text from Isak, he thinks about how surprised Even was when Isak asked him to stay, he thinks about how much courage it took for Even to ask Isak to dance, to tell Isak those words, and he just really needs to hug Even. 

So he reaches up to wrap his arms around Even tightly, burying his face into Even’s neck, and he can feel Even exhale deeply before he hugs Isak back. 

They’re still swaying together in the kitchen and Isak feels so peaceful, so at ease, so different from the nervous wreck he’s been for months, and he thinks he could stay like this with Even forever. 

But Even’s grip loosens and he draws away from Isak slightly, and Isak tilts his head to look at him.

Even has that look again, like he’s never seen Isak before, like Isak might disappear if he blinked, and a thrill goes through Isak as he finally understands what that look means.

And Even’s drifting closer to him, or maybe he’s drifting closer to Even, or maybe they’re both drifting closer together, and Isak is drowning in the blue of Even’s eyes until Even closes them, resting his forehead against Isak’s. 

Isak can feel his heartbeat in his ears and he closes his eyes too because Even’s mouth is so close to his and he’ll be dammed if anything gets in between them now.

He’s readying himself for the pressure of Even’s lips when Even says it.

“I’m so in love with you.” He breathes against Isak’s mouth, and Isak’s heart explodes.

He doesn’t get time to react properly because Even’s kissing him now, and it’s very gentle and soft and he’s pretty sure he’s floating, so he grabs Even tightly.

Even still pulls back though, and his face looking awed before slowly erupting into the most beautiful smile, with crinkled eyes and sharp teeth, and yes, Isak thinks, yes, he really does love this boy. 

“I love you, too. I love you so much.” His voice is coarse and quiet, but Even’s smile widens, and he’s so bright that Isak’s eyes are starting to hurt.

“That’s good, then.” Even whispers, one of his hand traveling up to caress Isak’s hair. “That’s really, really good.” And they’re kissing again, Isak’s hands form fists in Even’s shirt and Even’s hand grips his hair, and Even’s tongue is in his mouth, and Isak feels a hundred things at once but he’s definitely happy and breathless and a little bit aroused and this is right, this is so very, very right.

\--

It takes them a while to calm down, but they calm down eventually, and they’re lying in Isak’s bed, Isak’s resting on Even’s chest while Even strokes his hair, a question starting to burn in his stomach. 

“…Can… can you be my boyfriend?” He asks Even tentatively, half mumbling the words against his skin.

Even gives him another blinding smile before nodding. “Okay.” And with that one word, Isak’s completely giddy again. 

“O-Okay?” He scoots closer to Even.

“Yeah.” Even murmurs before kissing him and Isak sighs when Even slips his tongue in again, and they gently make out for a few minutes, slowly getting used to the feeling of each other’s lips.

Afterward, when they’re lying down again, Even suddenly groans. “Fuck. My parents are going to have a field day once they find out.”

“They are?”

“Of course. My dad will probably cry and my mom will want to know everything. It’ll be horrible.” Even shakes his head in despair, but Isak can hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah, well, Esklid will still be worse.” 

Even laughs. “You know, Esklid actually helped me a lot today. He saw me outside overthinking things, when I told him I wanted to tell you I loved you, and he immediately herded everyone out.”

Isak’s stomach is still doing somersaults at the mention of Even loving him. He has a feeling it’ll keep doing that for a while. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah… why do you think all of your flatmates are still gone?” Even kisses the top of his head and Isak’s stomach does another somersault. 

“That… that kind of sounds like my friends last night. They all ran away as soon as we realized you came here.”

“We should buy them all something.”

“We’ll buy them a fucking cake or something.” Isak mutters against Even’s chest. ”Later, though.”

He notices Even’s new drawing lying near them and picks it up, pinning it to the wall with the rest of Even’s doodles. 

“You know, I used to regret stealing that balloon.” Even tells him as he leans against Isak’s shoulders. “If I didn’t steal it, maybe we could have been best friends since we were little. I could have been having fun with you instead of staring awkwardly at you across the table for all those years. Why did it take me so long to talk to you? We could have been longtime childhood friends who ended up falling for each other.”

Isak contemplates the thought briefly, and maybe it would have been nice to have Even by his side for as long as he could remember. But he still shakes his head. “No. I think we became close at just the right time.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I had to grow out of my belief that people taller and older than me could never be my friends, and you had to grow out of your thieving habits.” Isak teases, cupping Even’s face. “Besides, I know how we can make up for those years. Do you?”

“I do.” 

“How?”

Even leans into Isak’s touch, one of his hands coming up to cover Isak’s. “By staying like this forever.”

And maybe Isak shouldn’t smile back so easily, because they’re young, they’re so very young, and Even is still bipolar and Isak will still have trouble sleeping and there’s so many other things to think about. 

But gazing at Even right now, his eyes blue and clear and happy, Isak can’t think of anything else. “Okay. Let’s do that, then.”

“Okay?” Even’s mouth quirks up into a smile, revealing the sharp teeth Isak has grown to love so much. 

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know the kollektivet's doorway probably isn't that low but I really wanted to write Even banging his head on something because as a vertically challenged individual I'll never get over how tall that boy is


End file.
